The Words Are Escaping Me

Last night after several long conversations, it seems that the boyfriend and I are taking a break. Not my choice, but I get it and why he needs this. Yet, it's painful and will be difficult for me.  Instead of curling up in a little ball and shedding enough salty discharge to fill a bucket, I resolved to at the very least to take care of myself. I managed to get to both total body conditioning and dance class. I came home and made some curried scallops with spinach and shiitake mushrooms, as I had planned earlier in the week.  Maybe it's because even though I'm sad, I also have hope. Others have survived difficult strains on relationships. Taking some time apart can ultimately help you find a way to be closer. If that is the case, the process kinda sucks.


When I returned home from the gym, I cranked up some Florence + The Machine.  Their album Ceremonials which came out in 2011 is full of Florence Welch's beautiful wailing voice and songs that build and almost crush you.  Her lyrics are mystical and painful, but the music seems to climax in joyfulness. The songs sound like a release into hope and opportunity in your darkest hour. I played the music loud which suited my mood. "All This And Heaven Too" struck me.  It's about not being able to put feelings into words. Today and last night in our conversations, I felt like I just couldn't get the words right.

And the heart is hard to translate
It has a language of it's own
It talks in tongues and quiet sighs
And prayers and proclamations in the grand days
Of great men and the smallest of gestures
In short shallow gasps

But with all my education
I can't seem to commend it
And the words are all escaping me
And coming back all damaged
And I would put them back in poetry
If I only knew how, I can't seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
That I could just understand
The meaning of the word you see
'Cause I've been scrawling it forever
But it never makes sense to me at all

Food and music are what I turn to when I'm sad. Tonight, for the first time probably ever, I didn't turn to junk food or my other typical comfort foods. I could list them, but you know them already. Whatever food that you grab when you are pushing down emotions and feeling sorry for yourself. This time, I actually cooked myself a healthy and surprisingly really good dinner. There was some popcorn and chocolate earlier in the day. I had two glasses of wine with dinner. But despite that and the crying bouts, I did OK. For now, OK is enough.

Curried Scallops from The Little Black Apron (Page 130)
Serves 1
Total time 10 minutes

1/4 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
4 large sea scallops
Salt and pepper
1 tsp curry power
Lime juice to taste

Heat a saute pan over medium heat and coat with olive oil
Season both sides of each scallop with salt and pepper, coat evenly with curry powder.
Add scallops to the pan and cook about 2.5 minutes per side turning them
Squeeze line juice over each

These were excellent. I enjoyed the spiciness cut by some lime juice. Although I would watch the curry powder, they could easily get too spicy. As Florence says be sure to "Shake It Off," the curry power that is, before putting them in the pan.

Warm Quinoa, Spinach, and Shiitake Salad from Great Food Fast (page 235)
Serves 2
Total time 40 minutes

1/4 Cup red-wine vinegar
1/3 Cup olive oil
Coarse salt
Freshly ground pepper
1 lb fresh shiitake mushrooms (stems removed, caps halved)
1/2 lb baby spinach
3/4 Cup Quinoa
Feta cheese

Heat broiler, set rack 4 inches from heat
In small bowl, whisk together the vinegar, oil 1/2 tsp slat and 1/8 tsp pepper
On large rimmed boiler-proof baking sheet with half the dressing
Broil tossing occasionally until most of the liquid is evaporated and mushrooms are tender 20-25 min
Cook quinoa in small pot according to box instructions
Place spinach in large bowl
Add hot mushrooms and quinoa and reserved dressing
Toss to combine, spinach will wilt slightly
Top with crumbled feta

I loved this salad and will make it again. I almost burnt the mushrooms but it was still tasty.  It could easily be a main dish.  I halved the recipe here, since it was just for me. I will have leftovers for tomorrow and will likely cry into them.